18+ WARNING - Adult content is intended for individuals 18 years of age and older and contains materials of sexually explicit nature.

The impending zombie apocalypse has gotten a lot of media attention in recent years, but are you really ready?  Movies like Resident Evil and Zombieland can be valuable educational tools, but should not be considered complete guides to preparedness.  Here are tips from many trusted sources (including the CDC) to make sure you’re set up for survival when that moment comes that the undead are after you.

It’s best to gather items you’ll need before the emergency so that you have as much time as possible to react and flee to safety.  Emergency supplies for a zombie attack are much like any other disaster, and include the following: non-perishable food items, potable water, clothing and blankets, essential medications and first aid supplies, a flashlight, firearms, and lots and lots of ammunition (blunt items like a baseball bat will also suffice).

Remember to coordinate plans with loved ones.  Planning an escape route with meeting points along the way will help in the event that you’re forced to temporarily separate.   Make sure that your friends and family members are aware of this looming crisis, and are also prepared to react.

Once the first person is bitten and the apocalypse commences, these tips will help you maximize chances of survival.

  • Safety in numbers: team up for better odds at surviving

  • Avoid lingering in enclosed areas with only one entrance/exit

  • Stay in shape- sprinting can be a good temporary solution when fleeing zombies, as rigor mortis generally stifles their movement

  • Keep in mind that guns are loud and shooting one zombie may attract others

  • Suit up: thick clothing that covers as much of your body as possible will provide a little bit of protection from splattering brains.

  • Remember that almost anything can be a weapon; tear a leg off the coffee table, grab your nine iron, etc.  These are weapons of opportunity, and may be essential to your survival if caught ill-prepared.

  • Know your HQ: You’re going to need somewhere to hole-up, and it’s wise to pick this place ahead of time.  The best HQ has multiple entrances/exits, is fairly remote, good visibility, and has access to fresh water.  Store food and other essential supplies here ahead of time.

  • Travel light: items not listed here are excessive and will only weigh/slow you down

  • Brush up on criminal skills: Your ability to hot-wire a car will make you an asset to any survival team.

  • Expect chaos: Even with warning, natural disasters create chaos, confusion.  Most people don’t understand the real and present danger of a zombie apocalypse, so the pandemonium will be amplified.  When making plans, take this into account and realize that heading straight for the mountains won’t work when you can’t even get through the crowded streets.

  • Shoot twice: Be really sure that motherf*cker is dead!

  • Don’t get sentimental: There’s no room for feelings when you’re in survival mode.