3/30/10

How to HIt on a Bartender

I am a female bartender who has been serving up drinks for the past 8 years. My trade has brought me from the pretentious counters of New York City to a lingerie club in Miami and finally to that infamous mecca of tits and booze: Las Vegas. I will be the first one to admit that yes, I have gone out with and slept with guys who found their way to my bar and worked their charm.

However, this is a delicate line to walk. The average female bartender gets hit on in one way or another by almost every drunk idiot who takes a seat. I get it. it’s a woman who is serving you. She’s talking to you, listening to your bullshit and pouring you drinks. I can see the temptation. Here are a few tips to help you poor fools improve your game.

1. Be careful with what you order:

First and foremost, we judge you based on what drink you order. If you order a jager-bomb you are either too young for a second look or too immature to hold our attention. Beer is good. Its universal, masculine and easy for your bartender to serve. Wine shows sophistication and that you are not only interested in getting shit-faced. Just don’t ask for a White Zinfandel. You may as well order a wine cooler. If you order any cocktail that requires more than two ingredients, god forbid muddling, you might be high maintenance or gay. If your bartender is not busy you can ask for a drink menu and her recommendation, but then make sure you order what she tells you, and that you love it. This builds a dialog and shows that you actually listen.

2. Don't use pick up lines:

Do not use a line unless you are a virgin and don’t know any better. We have heard them all and do not take them seriously.

3. Your company also says a lot about you:

If you are in a bar with a loud group of guys, roll your eyes at your friend’s shenanigans to show that you can have fun, but don’t take it seriously. Do not apologize for your friends if they are being obnoxious, that does shit for us and makes you look like a pussy. Regulate your friends before we have to cut them off and ruin your game.

4. Don't waste our time:

If you find yourself alone at a bar do not jeopardize your bartender’s time. We have other customers to serve. Try sympathizing with her if there is a pain in the ass guest at the bar or if someone is ordering something stupid. We generally don’t care what your story is until we know that you are worth talking to so start a conversation by asking her something about herself. We talk to hundreds of guys and the one thing that never gets old is talking about ourselves. I like when a guy asks me where I’m from because it usually leads to having something in common. I hate when guys ask me about my tattoos, if I like where I work, or where is a good place to go out. These are questions I get all the time and my answers are standard and pre-recorded. Keep your questions personal.

 

5. Do not wear anything that sparkles:

T-shirts, jeans, just don’t do it. You look like a douche bag begging for attention.

6. Do not talk to other women unless you are with work associates: Even though we may havestepped away, if you have caught our eye we are always aware of who you are talking to and how you behave when we leave. Bartenders see and hear everything. Seriously. We may be taking your money but we are still girls and the guy who is respectful and interested is the one we will always go back to.

7. Be confident: This applies to other situations as well.

8. How to follow through: If you have the confidence and ability to pull all this off, just remember that we are whores just like any prostitute. We play the game better than anyone to get your money so for God’s sake leave a good tip. Run a tab to show that you will be around for a while and don’t pay until the last minute. Do not leave your number on the check. We will without a doubt throw it away. It is crucial to secure the phone number or second meeting verbally. Do not ask for her number. Any smart bartender knows not to give out any contact information. If she seems interested ask her what she is doing after her shift and then ask her if she wants to grab a bite. The first thing I want after work is food and a drink. This is your best chance to see her outside of work and stay fresh in her mind.

 

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Elizabeth Kramsky is a writer and bartender living in Las Vegas who gets to witness first hand all the mistakes men make when trying to pick up women. She enjoys making fun of men who wear Ed Hardy, her dog Dexter, and Tom Robbins novels.

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