9/2/10

In every relationship there is a certain degree of hate. Guys hate how long girls take to get ready. They hate when we complain how much our feet hurt while wearing 5 inch heels. They hate how we order pink cocktails that cost $15. The list goes on. Hate is not always a bad thing in a relationship as long as the items on the list are within reason. Henceforth, a well researched list of the number one things your girlfriend hates about you. And just remember - we spend an hour on our hair because we want to look good for you. We wear ridiculous shoes to look sexy for you. And we order expensive drinks because we goddamn like them!

1. Your girlfriend hates when you call her dude (or man, or bro).

I understand how much slang has infiltrated the basic English of most people under 40, women are guilty of it as well. However, if somehow the fact has escaped you that your girlfriend has a pair of breasts on her chest, she is not your dude. And don’t even try to pin this moniker on a term of endearment. There is an ocean of difference between calling your girlfriend honey, and calling her dude.

2. Your girlfriend hates when you sleep with the TV more than with her.

I have never been introduced to the psychological diagnosis where men just have to sleep with the TV on. I understand that it may be a force of habit from your single days! If you are ready to evolve into an adult relationship, and invite your girlfriend into your home, then please, turn the TV off and sleep next to her. If your force of habit ends up making you toss and turn all night, keeping your girlfriend awake, then most likely she will cave and return you to your picture box, but at least you will have tried. And girls give major points for effort.

3. Your girlfriend hates your bitter guy friend who talks shit about everyone.

We all have that friend that our partners can’t stand. With girls its usually the single bitches who still want your girlfriend to go out and get drunk every weekend. For guys, its always that asshole who rubs off just enough stupidity to make us disgusted with our boyfriends. You know who I’m talking about. He’s the guy who never gets enough attention and just loves bringing other people down. Your girlfriend hates that guy. And she hates how you act when you’re around him.

4. Your girlfriend hates when you have text message fights.

If your schedule is really so busy that you don’t have the time to hash out your relationship problems face to face with your girlfriend, thus making text message the only form of communication you are comfortable with, then maybe your problems are bigger than you think. Suck up the fear of confrontation, even if you think your girlfriend is being dramatic and bitchy. It shows you care.

5. Your girlfriend hates when you don’t have an opinion.

Everyone has the right to be ambivalent every now and then, but hopefully your girlfriend is with you because she has some modicum or more of respect for you, and you should repay her by actually having an opinion in your relationship. This goes beyond deciding what movie to see, show her that you are man enough to actually disagree with her every now and again and her respect for you will grow.

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Elizabeth Kramsky is a writer and bartender living in Las Vegas who gets to witness first hand all the mistakes men make when trying to pick up women. She enjoys making fun of men who wear Ed Hardy, her dog Dexter, and Tom Robbins novels.

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