6/4/10

There is a shitload of porn out there. There is good porn out there that you are missing. Porn goes beyond sneaking looks a crappy home videos on xtube and youporn or simply setting on the cheap shit your brother or roommate leaves lying around. I am a woman who loves porn and if you are a guy who also loves porn, its time to broaden your horizons and open your eyes to all the different jerk-off material out there. Here are a few of my favorites.

70’s Porn - Admittedly not the best masturbating material because of the plot lines and exorbitant amounts of pubic hair, but bear with me on this one. Pornography has been around since the ancient Egyptians but really started becoming mainstream in America in the 70’s.

Videos produced during this era were experimental, artistic and avant-garde. They are dark and grainy and you can almost imagine yourself sitting in a dark theater somewhere in a trench coat, smoking a cigarette and jerking off.

My two favorites of this era are “The Opening of Misty Beethoven” and “Behind the Green Door“. The first is the story of Misty, a young, inexperienced girl, who is taken under the wing of sexual deviants who train her to suck cock and fuck like a champ. Think My Fair Lady with sex. The culminating scene is when Misty maneuvers a huge  black strap-on in her final test and gives it another girl like nobodies business.

“Behind the Green Door” is a classic. The plot lies somewhere in between massive orgies with capes and masks and virgin sacrifices to a monstrous black cock, but following it isn’t really necessary. This one has it all, bondage, roll play and submission with a freaky trance/tribal soundtrack that may or may not give you nightmares. A good time is had by all!

Andrew Blake - The first time I saw one of this man’s videos I was high as hell and felt as if he was giving me a wonderful gift. This is not fucking porn. In fact there are no men in his movies. What is does have is the most drop-dead gorgeous women you have ever seen in porn, wearing the most expensive and sexy lingerie, shoes and jewelry.  This is great porn to watch with your girlfriend because no woman can deny the sex appeal of La Perla and Louboutins. My favorite is called Justine. It is full of girl on girl action, hot wax, great lighting and huge tits. Beautiful in every sense of the word.

Seymore Butts - Feel free to laugh at this guy’s pseudonym because he is certainly a character. Butts has made a name for himself in the porn industry by having a sense a humor about what he does. This is more traditional, modern porn with good old fashioned fake tits, blow jobs and fucking by the pool with heels on. Get adventurous and check out his collection of “squirters” videos dedicated to female ejaculation with his trophy girl Alisha Klass, who comes like a river and keeps it cute with girlish giggles.

Bottom line is that there is porn out there for each and every freaky fantasy and desire you can possible imagine. I have bought pregnancy porn for baby showers and golden shower porn for joke Christmas presents. There is a reason this business is booming so don’t be afraid to explore a little!

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Elizabeth Kramsky is a writer and bartender living in Las Vegas who gets to witness first hand all the mistakes men make when trying to pick up women. She enjoys making fun of men who wear Ed Hardy, her dog Dexter, and Tom Robbins novels.

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