3/23/10

How to Pick Up a Stripper

By William Mac

The strip club is an iconic Garden of Eden filled with luscious topless amazon women swinging from the rafters and sliding down the pole for your viewing pleasure... and money. I never understood strip clubs and for a long time I never had a desire to go to one. I'm a writer, damn it, I don't have money to shell out for a lap dance. What's the point anyway? I can't touch her, I can't take her home and she'll forget about me in two shakes of a g-string.  Yet, time and time again my brutishly inebriated red-faced frat friends felt the need to drag me to strip clubs at three in the morning after a night of bar hopping.

While they crowded around the stage shelling out cash and smiling stupidly, I'd walk wearily to the bar, casually take a seat, sip on an energy drink to sober up and chat with the bartender or whoever else was nearby. Guess who ended up with the strippers outside the club without having to spend a dime? 'Twas me. That brings me to step numero uno on how to pick up  a stripper from your friendly neighborhood gentleman's club.

Tip #1 - Don't Be a Customer!

The second you pay for anything except a drink (for yourself) is the second your game is up. You become  a source of income. Strippers do what they do to make money. If you think they'll like you more if you pay more, you're wrong. They know what they're doing -- they are saleswomen of the highest caliber and they don't give a hoot in hell about you, but they'll do whatever they can to make you think you're important.

Tip #2 - Own it

The way in which you first walk into a strip club is crucial. Be confident. Stroll in with your head held up high like you own the joint. Don't wander aimlessly around. Be uncannily confident.

Tip #3 - Never Sit at The Stage

One of the primary rules for picking up a stripper is to act like you don't care if she's there. Yeah, there's a stage. Yeah, there's half naked women stripping on it -- so what? It's nothing you haven't seen before. Sit at the bar like it's any other bar. Relax. Enjoy your drink. Read a newspaper if you want.

 

Tip #4 - Come in Only on Slow Nights

You're not going to get any attention with a whole bunch of other guys throwing money around. However, if you come in on a slow night, or really just any time before midnight, the women to men ratio is going to be extremely unbalanced in your favor.

Tip #5 - Start Getting to Know Door Guys

Getting to where you can pick up strippers at a club takes a little bit of time. You have to build up trust with the girls that work there. If you get on a first name basis with the doormen that work there, the girls will see you come in and pal around with the other employees and they will be curious about who you are.

Another good thing to do is, on a slow night, ask if the manager is in. Tell the manager you have a friend coming into town and you want to throw a bachelor party for him and you were wondering how much it would cost to rent out a VIP room. Of course, you're not actually going to follow through with this, but it gives you an opportunity to get with the manager and become an acquaintance.

Tip #6 - Strippers Aren't Strippers

Strippers aren't strippers -- they're dancers. Where they work is not a strip joint, a strip club, a tittie bar or ANY such label. Instead, it's a gentleman's club, or just a club. Never slip up with that during a conversation.

Tip #7 - Flip The Sale

The good thing about coming in on a slow night is that you're a target for the girls. You don't need to chase them -- they're going to chase you. They want to empty your pockets. No doubt, after you sit down at the bar, one or two girls will eventually approach you. They'll sit down next to you and they'll start to work their witchy saleswoman mojo. Don't give into it -- flip it on them.

This is where you need to be cocky, charming and a bit standoffish at first. You need to retain a certain mystery and make sure you don't ogle them. Here is a prime scenario:

A girl approaches you as you sit at the bar, minding your own business. "Hey there," she says. "You need some company sitting here all a lone." She sits down next to you. "I'm doing alright, but you're welcome to sit next to me if you want" you answer.

This is a good start. You're letting her know that you don't need her around. You're ALLOWING her to be next to you, not vice versa. At this point she's going to begin flirting with you, feigning interest and she'll probably try to get you to buy her a drink.

"What's your name?" she asks. "Jon" (every guy reading this officially now has the name Jon. Go change it.) you say, taking a sip of your drink and staring straight ahead. "I'd love to join you in a drink" she says, hinting. "Sure, you can grab a beer with me. I don't want to keep you from work though" you say jokingly as you motion to the empty room.

You've officially flipped the first sales technique. You didn't buy her a drink, but you jokingly deflected it. This helps you become less and less of a target and more of a normal, interesting guy. The trick is to constantly deflect confidently and jokingly. Eventually she'll give up on trying to get money from you and sink into getting to know you.

Keep cool and calm. Don't tell her she's beautiful. don't tell her she's sexy. Pretend she's not half naked with go-go boots on. Treat her like you're having a casual conversation at the local Starbucks. Ask her what she does outside of the club. What are her hobbies. What are her aspirations.

At this point, the only compliment you give her is about how much of a good conversationalist she is.

"You know, It's actually pretty fun talking to you. I have to admit that I kind of swore off dancers, but you're smarter and more interesting than a lot of the girls I've met"

You can even talk about the club. Ask about the weirdo guys she's come in contact with so you can further separate yourself from them. Act surprised about all the stories she has to tell. Even remark on how challenging being an exotic dancer must be and how you admire her ability to do it.

What's Your Goal?

You could either

A) Pick up the stripper you're talking to

or

B) Wait a little longer and get to know SEVERAL strippers well and invite them to a party.

With option A, the best way to progress is to act like you have to abruptly leave due to the fact you have to meet a friend somewhere or go to a party. This is when, while you're hurriedly getting ready to leave (to create a sense of urgency) you say the following:

"Shit, I really got to go. I told my friend I'd go to this stupid party and I'm already late. Listen, I had a lot of fun talking to you, let me put your number in my phone so I can text you and maybe we can meet outside the club sometime to hang out some more" As you say this, you've already got your phone out ready to put in a number.

She may say no, but you have about a 97% she'll say yes. You're basically not giving her an option and if she pauses to think about it, she's actually wasting your time. Usually without thinking she'll say yes. When you put her number in your phone text her RIGHT THEN with "this is Jon and this is my number" while you're in front of her. Inform her that you just texted her so she has your number. Now she won't forget who you are and you just had an even number swap. You're in.

Option B takes a bit more time, but it's worth it in the long run. Instead of taking one girl home, become the club's sweetheart. Conduct Option A with a variety of girls. Your goal is to walk into the club and the door guys know you, the manager gives you a nod and all the girls run up and hug you and ask what you've been up to. This is your ideal situation. At that point you throw a party and invite all your girls from the club over. What you do after that is up to you.

Remember, picking girls up at the club is all about not needing them. Remain standoffish, in control, confident and tease in a humorous way. This makes you intriguing, mysterious and attractive. Good luck! Not that you'll need it.

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William Mac is a delightfully eccentric pub crawler residing in America's beloved gold-capped southern jewel sitting on dubs more commonly referred to as Savannah, Georgia. When he's not picking up bikini-clad babes on the beach, William enjoys writing, watching horribly directed B Horror movies and reading sophisticated smelling old leather-bound books.

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