An Insider's Guide to Vegas

18+ WARNING - Adult content is intended for individuals 18 years of age and older and contains materials of sexually explicit nature.

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Las Vegas is the entertainment and debauchery capital of the world, but with so much going on, how does one navigate the bright lights and tramp stamps without a little help? Fear not. Whether you are a Vagas virgin, embarking on a bachelor weekend, or just coming to town to lose your kid’s college fund at the craps table, here are a few helpful tips to make your vacation a little easier.

Throw a $20 in the video poker machine at casino bars and drink for free!
It is a general rule at most casino bars that if you are gambling on one of their machines, you will receive comp beverages. The standard rate is that you must be gambling at least $20 and don’t be an idiot by putting your money in, getting your drink and then cashing out. Casino bartenders have seen all the douche bag moves you can think of, but the comp drinks are a rule for a reason, they want your money! So if you’re planning on sitting at the bar for more than one drink, it pays to play. Just don’t hit max bet and lose it all before your first sip, or you just paid $20 for a jack and coke.
Strip clubs will pick you up, and drive you home, for free!
The best strip clubs in Vegas are located on a dark, foreboding street behind the strip, so they willingly offer free transportation to groups of people, drunk or otherwise, to and from the clubs. You can go the taxi or rented limo route, but why pay for a cab when you can get a party bus, complete with neon lights and a stripper pole for you and your friends for free! Just call the strip club you want to go to and arrange a pick up. Just don’t forget to tip your driver!
Downtown is more fun than the Strip.
When locals want a fun night out, they head down to Freemont Street, where most of the tourists are over 70 or Asian. Some of the best bars in Las Vegas are located down there. Freemont is lined with the old school casinos your grandparents could tell you about and has that vintage Vegas charm that is a little bit dirty and a little bit classic. Go-to bars are The Griffin, Downtown Cocktail Room, Beauty Bar, Hogs and Heifers and my personal favorite, The Glitter Gultch, one of the seediest/most awesome strip clubs in Las Vegas.
Some of the best hotels are the small ones.
If you have never been to Vegas before than it can be fun to stay in the big hotels and casinos on the Strip, but if you are looking for something smaller and way cooler, look no further than the Siegel Group. What started as a chain of extended stay residencies has evolved into some of the coolest boutique hotels in Las Vegas. Check out the Artisan for rooms individually decorated to highlight different artists and amazing nightlife, or Rumor, located across the street from the Hard Rock for modern elegance and a gorgeous pool.
Buffets are out, fine dining is in.

If you want an amazing Las Vegas experience, be prepared to shell out some bucks for some of its restaurants. The cheap buffets are long gone as Vegas got sophisticated about its meals. If you are willing to pay, you will be rewarded by some of the most amazing fine dining in the world.
Check out L’Atelier de Joel Robuchon at the MGM Grand for their open kitchen and stunning French food and Dos Caminos at the Palazzo for modern Mexican food in a party atmosphere. There are numerous steak houses and restaurants on the Strip, but the best kept secret for out of towners is the steak house at Circus Circus. The hotel may draw more kids and family, but the dark and masculine steak house is number one in Vegas and the prices rival any you will find on the Strip.

Elizabeth Kramsky is a writer and bartender living in Las Vegas who gets to witness first hand all the mistakes men make when trying to pick up women. She enjoys making fun of men who wear Ed Hardy, her dog Dexter, and Tom Robbins novels.